A first step

I don’t recall how long I have been standing on the front door. Stuck. Numb. Petrified. I am sure it has been long, too long, maybe too late, maybe not. All it takes is a step. A first step.

It is safe to say I have been playing for a while with this idea of speaking about creativity and failure. Tip-toeing around it. Imagining both the best and the worst out of it. Thinking about an imaginary reader who going through my words would suddenly feel understood.

Imagining, thinking, envisioning, projecting, fearing, dreaming. I played all the games, but I played it all in my head. Many times I started a note like this one. Many times I published it and unpublished it. Many times I closed down a site like this one. So what makes me believe it will be different this time? For now: nothing. Nothing, except faith and discipline. The faith that after today a new day will come. The discipline I will do something. Something. Let’s accept it won’t be something perfect, it might even not be good. Let’s just agree it will be something. That is my promise: to create something, to refrain from judging it, and to share it.

To get started I have to accept the idea I might say some silly things. Things that might be read. Things I would later be embarrassed by. Actually, let me accept I will definitely say silly things. And the simple fact it scares me more than anything else, tells me I have to do it.

Time to make the first step. What will come next will just be more first steps. Let’s see where it gets me.

Published by Virginie Caplet